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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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 Posted: 30-Oct-2004 10:05 Post subject: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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These are just a few worthwhile things to remember around Halloween. Please use these helpful hints this and every year.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin, or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are sold, Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a
tank, shoot yourself. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
deceased companions.
18. If you find that your house is built upon a
cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
22. For women only: If your friends are dying or missing your first instinct should not be to take a shower.
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www.210sportsblog.com
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DarkAdder
Clan Star Adder
Star Commander
Joined: 10-Jan-2004 00:00
Posts: 604
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| Posted: 30-Oct-2004 10:13 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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You forgot "Its never EVER 'just the wind'.
_________________
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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| Posted: 31-Oct-2004 00:34 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-30 10:05, chihawk wrote:
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one)
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Ultima VII, Serpent Isle?
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A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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| Posted: 31-Oct-2004 06:22 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-31 00:34, Nightmare wrote:
Quote:
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On 2004-10-30 10:05, chihawk wrote:
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one)
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Ultima VII, Serpent Isle?
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Don't look at me, I didn't recognize it. 
_________________
www.210sportsblog.com
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SaberDance
Federated Suns
Colonel
Joined: 07-May-2004 00:00
Posts: 837
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| Posted: 31-Oct-2004 20:38 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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We had something like this come up not to long ago.
Lots of running, lots of falling.
It is aptly summed up thus:
"When trapped in the secret temple of the Jedi heretics with a Kushabin and a swamp monster, remember, you need not be faster than the swamp monster, just the Kushabin."
Of course, the funny thing is, the furball lapped all of us getting back to the ship.
_________________
"Politics is the Art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, misdiagnosing the problem, and applying the wrong solution."
-Groucho Marx
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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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| Posted: 31-Oct-2004 23:22 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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Nah, it's too long since I dealt with the Ultima series. That particular place was called Gorlab.
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A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 01-Nov-2004 06:37 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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Nilbog, A little creature for D&D. You kill it by givng it kindless and Love. Violence just makes it stronger. (It's Goblin Backwards...
)
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Hardware
Clan Ghost Bear
Star Colonel
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 605
Location: United States
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| Posted: 02-Nov-2004 16:08 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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Quote:
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On 2004-10-31 00:34, Nightmare wrote:
Quote:
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On 2004-10-30 10:05, chihawk wrote:
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one)
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Ultima VII, Serpent Isle?
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It is Goblin spelled backwards. I think it came from a Troll movie.
And damn if we didn't have a bad goblin problem around here on Halloween. Fortunately a 12 gauge blast to their head straightens things right out.
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The more I get to know people the more I like my dog.
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 03-Nov-2004 06:22 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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So does a Naginata.... 
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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| Posted: 03-Nov-2004 17:54 Post subject: RE: Rules for a safe Halloween |
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I just use a mean mongrel dog on a long leash. One that's 75% Karelian Bear Hound and 25% Finnish Spitz, a really nasty customer. People seldom dare try reaching my door uninvited. 
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A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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