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Mordel's Bar & Grill

How to Interpret Performance Reports

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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel

Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 912
Location: Spain

Posted: 16-May-2004 05:29 Post subject: How to Interpret Performance Reports

This must have been posted a couple times before, but what the hell, it's still fun and makes a good companion to the previous post How to Interpret Performance Reports Some of you might like to know what supervisors are really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations they keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement. QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors. TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited. TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors. INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors. STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk. TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut. APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job. A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused. NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to university. EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together. SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life. CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared. METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker. DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice. JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky. MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob. KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes. STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward. SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time. IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else. ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip. REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed. HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way. ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do. HAPPY: Paid too much. WELL ORGANIZED: Needs more to do. COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Pain in the arse. WILL GO FAR: Related to management. SHOULD GO FAR: Please. USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher. VERY CREATIVE: Finds 5 reasons to do anything except original work. USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything. DESERVES PROMOTION: (or anything else - just get him or her away from me!). [ This Message was edited by: Vampire on 2004-05-16 08:51 ] _________________ Memento audare semper

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