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Karagin
Imperial Karagin Army
Imperial General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4120
Location: United States
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 Posted: 20-Jun-2002 02:26 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push".
I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
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Karagin
Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato
"Wasted trip Man. Nobody said nuthin' about lockin' horns with no tigers." Oddball
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Talen
Capellan Confederation
Sang-shao
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1269
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 02:51 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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Seen this somewhere...not sure where though...
but...
I will start the clock 30 seconds before I say I will, so the hero cant save the day in the last 10 seconds...
I will always have a Plan B as equally deadly as Plan A so in case they stop Plan A, they wont be able to gather the resources to stop plan B.
Fancy dress and grooming will not Be #1 in my training regime...aim and ammo conservation will be key.
Barrels of explosives will NOT be left laying around in all corners of my base.
I will not allow wealthy visitors or "experts in the field" in my base within 6 months of starting the plan.
I will invest in any technological advances BMW, Mercedes, Audi or Lotus makes.
You can never have enough lakeys to throw in the line of fire.
All bathrooms will have gaurds posted outside the front door.
I will NOT offend my Strong Guy in any way.
All suspicious vehicles within 1000 yards of my base will be destroyed...
_________________
"Historians exercise great power and some of them know it. They recreate the past, changing it to fit their own interpretations. Thus, they change the future as well." - Leto II
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 06:20 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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There's a list that's very long, maybe over 200 entries, that contain a lot of these.
_________________
www.210sportsblog.com
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 07:50 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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Your Plan to become an Evil Overload will fail because your using something that the Evil Overlord can't have....Common Sense. It's in the Job Description, ---Candidate must not have Common Sense....
Sir HEnry, Saw it in the Evil Overlords Handbook...
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Talen
Capellan Confederation
Sang-shao
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1269
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 11:10 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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Thats not true...Admiral Thrawn from Timothy Zahn's Star Wars books. He was pretty smart, actually.
_________________
"Historians exercise great power and some of them know it. They recreate the past, changing it to fit their own interpretations. Thus, they change the future as well." - Leto II
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Ares
Clan Jade Falcon
Star Colonel
Joined: 20-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 737
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 15:40 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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did you get these from KODT? These were in a bundle i have, along with some nice Simpsons' ones.
_________________
I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say will undoubtedly incriminate me.
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 15:51 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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They have been around for years--and well prior to KODT...
_________________
www.210sportsblog.com
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Peter_Smith
Capellan Confederation
Yi-si-ben-bing
Joined: 25-Mar-2002 00:00
Posts: 122
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 17:17 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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A few of my personal favorites...
All my files will be padded to 1.45MB in size.
My nuclear devices will blow sometime between the times of 4:59 and 4:23.
All of my bombs will only be constructed with red wires.
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Ares
Clan Jade Falcon
Star Colonel
Joined: 20-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 737
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 17:40 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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I will elimate all foolish bards, annoying magic-users, and bumbling halflings so that their plan fails due to a lack of morale from humor.
_________________
I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say will undoubtedly incriminate me.
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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Karagin
Imperial Karagin Army
Imperial General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4120
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jun-2002 18:24 Post subject: If I ever become an Evil Overlord . . . . |
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Quote:
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On 2002-06-20 15:40, Ares wrote:
did you get these from KODT? These were in a bundle i have, along with some nice Simpsons' ones.
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No, I was looking over a page on AFVs and the Evil Overlord list was a side bar on the page.
_________________
Karagin
Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato
"Wasted trip Man. Nobody said nuthin' about lockin' horns with no tigers." Oddball
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