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Vagabond
Mercenary
Mr. Referee
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 5800
Location: United States
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 Posted: 15-Mar-2004 22:12 Post subject: EVER WONDER |
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Hope this makes you smile......
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
..why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all s tuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (d arn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
_________________
one must work hard to cultivate the mind and body. and one must always cultivate the mind.
//^(^_^)^\\
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Nightmare
Lyran Alliance
Kommandant-General
Joined: 03-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 2214
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| Posted: 15-Mar-2004 23:41 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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My friend actually told me a few of these points last Saturday when we went skiing. Seems it's been making the rounds here too. 
_________________
A tree fall in the forest, and no one is around, and it hits a mime. Does anyone care?
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Hardware
Clan Ghost Bear
Star Colonel
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 605
Location: United States
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| Posted: 16-Mar-2004 05:57 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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Quote:
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On 2004-03-15 22:12, Vagabond wrote:
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
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Since I've answered this one before...
Middle English, from Anglo-Norman brocour, abrocour; akin to Spanish alboroque, ceremonial gift at conclusion of business deal, from Arabic al-barka, the blessing, colloquial variant of al-baraka : al-, the + baraka, blessing, divine favor
_________________
The more I get to know people the more I like my dog.
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 16-Mar-2004 06:28 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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... why is an Orange called and Orange and an Apple isn't called a Red?
... 
_________________
Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Jade_Dragon
8th Sword of Light
Sho-sho
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1329
Location: United States
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| Posted: 16-Mar-2004 11:01 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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Not all apples are red.
_________________
The JadeDragon
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8081
Location: United States
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| Posted: 16-Mar-2004 12:54 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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Nor are oranges truly orange. Anyone with an Orange tree will tell you that they are mostly brown.
_________________
www.210sportsblog.com
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Raven!
Clan Snow Raven
Galaxy Commander
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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| Posted: 16-Mar-2004 14:44 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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NEVER! An Orange is truly Purple with Pink racing stripes! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!
I know that because the leperchaun told me so. Leperchauns make rainbows, and rainbows are nice, so Leperchauns are nice. Nice people don't like, so Leperchauns don't lie. Now i need to go burn.. burn them all!
Raven!
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 17-Mar-2004 06:23 Post subject: RE: EVER WONDER |
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True they don't. They exaggerate, overstate, embellish, perjure and are economical with the truth.... 
_________________
Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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