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Vagabond
Mercenary
Mr. Referee
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 5755
Location: United States
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 Posted: 07-May-2003 18:45 Post subject: Another Classics List..... |
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Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
11. PlayDough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy shit!'A
talking pig!"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.
Remember - Grandchildren are the gift you get for not killing your own
children.
_________________
one must work hard to cultivate the mind and body. and one must always cultivate the mind.
//^(^_^)^\\
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Jade_Dragon
8th Sword of Light
Sho-sho
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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| Posted: 08-May-2003 10:13 Post subject: RE: Another Classics List..... |
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ROFL...so there is a difference between cats and worms.
_________________
The JadeDragon
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 09-May-2003 07:48 Post subject: RE: Another Classics List..... |
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Yea, One of them doesn't scratch and claw at your stomach, or anthing else, when eatin alive..... 
_________________
Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Pinhead
The Bloody Clans
Joined: 25-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1258
Location: United States
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| Posted: 10-May-2003 02:09 Post subject: RE: Another Classics List..... |
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OK that was very good!
Pin
_________________
"My Blood is not mine to give, it belongs to my Brothers"
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