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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 917
Location: Spain
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 Posted: 18-Feb-2003 14:12 Post subject: Aeronautic humor |
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Aeronautical Terminology and Definitions
Airfoil - Reynolds Wrap for manufacturing aircraft wings.
Airspeed - Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy aviator.)
Angle of Attack - Pick-up lines that pilots use.
Arresting Gear - A Policeman's equipment when used in conjunction with King (LA).
Bank - The folks who hold the line on most aircrew's cars.
Barrel Roll - Sport enjoyed at squadron picnics, usually after the barrels are empty.
Carburetor Icing - A phenomenon happening to Aero club pilots at exactly the same time they run out of gas.
Dead Reckoning - You reckon correctly, or you are.
Engine Failure - A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
Firewall - Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the cockpit.
Glide Distance - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hydroplane - An airplane designed to land on a wet runway, 20,000 feet long.
Lean Mixture - Non-alcoholic beer.
Motor - Word used by student pilots and Yankees when referring to the engine.
Nanosecond - Time delay built into the stall warning system.
Parasitic Drag - A pilot who bums a ride back and complains about the service.
Range - Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Rich Mixture - What you order at the other guy's promotion party.
Roger - Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Service Ceiling - Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.
Spoilers - The Federal Aviation Administration.
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.
Steep Bank - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.
Tactics - What a clock sounds like when it needs fixing.
Tail Wind - Results from eating beans, often causing Oxygen deficiency in the immediate vicinity.
Turn & Bank Indicator - An instrument highly ignored by pilots.
Useful Load - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight of cargo.
VOR - Radio navigation aid, named after the VORtex effect of pilots trying to home in on it.
Windsocks - Socks that need darning.
_________________
Memento audare semper
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CO_17thRecon
Kell Hounds
Major
Joined: 10-Sep-2002 00:00
Posts: 1297
Location: United States
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| Posted: 18-Feb-2003 20:40 Post subject: RE: Aeronautic humor |
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lol That was great, really great. 
_________________
Jarylan Blackwell
"What the...?! Where did you get THAT?!"
"Creative aquisition."
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Ronin
ComStar
Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 908
Location: United States
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| Posted: 22-Feb-2003 19:04 Post subject: RE: Aeronautic humor |
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| Thanks, I'll be printing this out and posting it at my flight school. This is pretty hilarious stuff, made even funnier by having actually "been there, done that."
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 917
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 23-Feb-2003 06:58 Post subject: RE: Aeronautic humor |
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Another one
"If at first you don't succeed, then parachute jumping is not for you"
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Memento audare semper
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 917
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 23-Feb-2003 13:51 Post subject: RE: Aeronautic humor |
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Another one I found
There's another one that gets an airing occasionally. Supposed to be factual.
Pilot's complaints = P
Fitters remarks and solutions, =S
P.Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S. Left inner almost replaced.
P. Test flight OK, but autoland very rough.
s. Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P. Something loose in cockpit.
S. something tightened in cockpit.
P. Dead bugs on windsheild.
S Live bugs on back order.
P.Autopilot on Altitude hold mode produces 100f p m descent.
S. Impossible to test on ground.
P. Evidence of leak on right landing gear.
S. evidence removed.
P.DME volume unbelievably loud.
S. Volume adjusted to believable level.
P. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S. That's what they're for.
P. Iff inoperative.
s. IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P. Suspect crack in windshield.
S. suspect you're right.
P. No.3 engine missing.
S. No3 engine located on right wing after short search.
P. Aircraft handles funny.
S. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P. Target radar hums.
S. Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.
P.Mouse in cockpit.
S. Cat installed.
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Memento audare semper
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