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Talen
Capellan Confederation
Sang-shao
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1269
Location: United States
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 Posted: 20-Jul-2002 04:09 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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Venting...dont read if you dont want to hear a whole bunch of whining amd bellyaching.
Where to begin? Who knows. I am just one screwed up little kid. In past months I have relized I am generally a very depressed person. The depression doesnt stim from anything in particular, just a whole bunch of small things that add up into one huge pile of shit. Partially from the whole "Miss A" problem. I think that really was the catlyst of this whole thing. Everything that used to happen, I could deal with. Her actions totally fucked up my ability to handle things, and I have broken down in depressive...uh...things that have lasted for days on end. This house is so stressful for me to live in right now, I sit and cry sometimes just because it is the only way for me to relieve what I feel inside. I dont really have any sort of punching bag, but i might invest in one. And, the worst problem is lonliness. Its hard on a person when evry single on of his friends goes away. All my school friends are away at college. My best friend left for the Air Force Academy a few weeks ago. In all honesty, I dont have anyone I can just hang out and spend time with. ANd its killing me inside. I sit here at the fucking computer until 2 AM talking to people I dont know online cause in reality they are the closest things to friends I have. I have tried a lot of things to help, but nothing is really working here. Next week I start Tai Chi, so hopefully I can do some good there, but I just cant seem to find people around here to hang with. All of my friends are back from school for summer...but no one even seems interested in doing anything with me. So what do I do? I turn to an online community in EverQuest...just a kind of bridge until school starts again. For the most part it helps, but then I just sit there, watching my character attack a bug. I click "Attack" and it attacks. So i just sit there, staring blankly at the screen and just get all depressed thinking "Noel...this is your life right now."
Its a sad existance.
Why am I wiriting this? Cause maybe venting does have its perks. Frankly, I feel no better than I did 20 minutes ago.
_________________
"Historians exercise great power and some of them know it. They recreate the past, changing it to fit their own interpretations. Thus, they change the future as well." - Leto II
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 917
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 05:50 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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I don't feel like you should wash your dirty clothes on public, but regardless, I'm willing to help, because I know how you feel. I will e-mail you, and if you want, you can contact me on ICQ also.
And deppression is a medical condition, and it seems you are suffering from it. Nobody is inmune to it, and it can be triggered by events and circumstances that are trivial to an outside observer, but are very serious for the affected subject.
In my opinion, drawing from my experience, you are seriously messed up, all right, but don't give up, you have friends that are willing to help you.
Just hang on, help is on the way.
_________________
Memento audare semper
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 09:45 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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Vamp's right Talen. Depression can be helped by seeing a Dr. (psychiatrist) or a Licensed analyst. I see one now and have for a while for depression, brought on by the death of my wife. DOn't be afraid or self concious about it. Think of it as helping yourself.
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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AcidQueen
Capellan Confederation
Si-ben-bing
Joined: 22-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 96
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 11:29 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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One word, Talen:
Zoloft.
Go see your doctor and tell him what's bothering you. If he feels you need it, he'll prescribe you Zoloft or another antidepressant that will help you get out of the funk. Then go see a counsellor. They're there to help.
--Camille.
_________________
What part of "LEAVE ME ALONE" is so hard to understand?
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Gangrene
Federated Suns
Leftenant General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 939
Location: United States
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 13:00 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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Before you try drugs and psychiatrists I would suggest just getting involved in an activity. The Tai Chi thing sounds like a good start. When I left home for Poly, and then from Poly to Davis, the first thing I did was look for a college ministry or Bible study to hook up with. Find something (or multiple things) you like and jump in.
As for dealing with feelings for a lost love, I am not one to give advice on that.
If you ever want to play a game of Btech or just hang out you have my number, or at least my email.
_________________
Gangrene
[ This Message was edited by: Gangrene on 2002-07-20 13:06 ]
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Gangrene
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Vampire
Free Worlds League
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 917
Location: Spain
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 13:28 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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Well, about the girl trouble, I cannot help, just try to go out more and meet people. Some practical suggestions.
1.- Trouble at home? I know about that.
Get a job. You'll have some money and more independence, and you can know people at the job. If you have money, you can go in a shopping spree of games and books or whatever makes you happy 
2.- No friends? Well, I know what it feels like. I suggest joining some hobby or activity that helps you socialize. I strongly recommend joining a gaming club, if there's one in your area. You make stronger and deeper friendships in a roleplaying session than in any other activity, IMO.
3.- Chatting with people on the Net is ok, and it's the lifesaver for many lonely people. But it's just a patch. Try using the Net to meet people for real, I mean girls, surely you can find somebody in your area. You surely can find somebody you like enough to go out and hang around with. If you are really lucky, and persistant enough, you may find somebody you can date with.
4.- Your life sucks? well, it depends on how much you need a social life. Personally I have learned to cope without one, my only pet is the PC mouse  Socializing is highly overrated, IMO. I long gave up meeting women in bars, I meet (and date) a lot more of interesting girls and *available* online than
in the bars.
No friends? Well, it depends on how much you need to be around people and what type of friendship are you looking for. I've realized that mingling with the rest of the pathetic mortals is not worth the time nor the effort. I have better things to do than to waste my time in company of boring people I can't relate to. I very much prefer to hang with people that share my tastes and hobbies and that I can maintain a conversation.
I don't know if any of this will be of help, as I am bordering on being a social outcast. Try finding a balance, I find normal people boring, but that doesn't mean I enjoy the company of geeks and freaks that haven't a life. You just have to find your niche.
_________________
Memento audare semper
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Old Dog
Capellan Confederation
Sang-wei
Joined: 24-May-2002 00:00
Posts: 299
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| Posted: 20-Jul-2002 18:44 Post subject: A sad existance...(Rated M for Mature) |
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Well, here's my take on it.
First and foremost, everyone gets depressed. We're built that way. No biggie. Know that it'll pass in time, with or without work or chemicals, and, in fact, chemicals often make it worse. Avoid 'em like the plague they are. Working through it, however, is good.
Now, if I recall your age correctly, you're in a devisive age. Watch watch, I get to use my Sociology minor! Woo! Basic development connects a child to the parents until adolesence. Ado, pretty much by definition, attaches to peer groups, instead. Parents often lament their children leaving them, kids don't want to be seen by their friends with mom in tow (Drop me off here, I'll walk the rest of the way!), and so on. The NEXT development stage, which you're running alongside of now, is full adulthood. All the weight's on you, and your own views are more important than your friends. Relationships are big, here, and, in time, you get a child of your own, at which time you'll enter stage four, but we'll cover that later.
SO.
This means that, in a social dynamic sense, hanging out with your friends isn't going to do much. They're more or less beyond teh point where peers matter as much as interpersonal relations and/or private accomplishments, IE, school. You're entering this stage, and, like teh ado crossover, it causes troubles.
So, here's what to do.
Get a hobby.
I know that sounds silly, but there it is. Quite literally, your brain is reconfiguring. It needs stimulation, and it needs stimulation that you create for yourself. Passive sources, such as reading, watching TV, or Everquest, won't do it properly. Narcotics can fill the void, but that's a BAD road to take, for reasons I shouldn't even have to start in on.
This is an excellent time period to enter a physical training regimine, believe it or not. Take something like Tae Kwon Do, rather than Tai Chi, which requires less mental focusing and more physical activity. Run. Run lots. Natural endorphins will absolutely blow away the chemical changes that depression generates.
A hobby, such as painting, sculpting, heck ... paint Battletech minis! Just get in there and hammer away at it for four hours a day, and work on getting REALLY good. The task draws you in, and the innate reward system your body gives you will, again, smack depression in the head.
Lastly, *avoid binge-eatting* ... I can't stress this enough. This is the easiest way to release natural endorphins that counteract your condition, but teh weight gain, loss of self-esteem, and general health problems that eventually follow this are extremely negative.
SO, in closing, the aboslute BEST thing that you can do, right now, is to throw yourself into a physical activity with everything you can muster. It's the be all, end all of cures, recognized for centuries as 'Working through it', followed by an immersion hobby that forces creativity, not rote and routine clicking on a mouse.
Hope this helps.
-- Old Dog, professing puppy
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