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The Mighty Gazebo
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PostPosted: 2013-01-08 03:16    Post subject: The Mighty Gazebo Reply to topic Reply with quote

Here is the classic tale of Eric and the Gazebo. For those of you whop don't know, The dreaded Gazebo story is a RPG anecdote, made famous by Richard Aronson (designer of The Ruins of Cawdor, a graphical MUD). Aronson's account first appeared in print in the APA Alarums and Excursions in either 1985 or 1986 (accounts vary). It was reprinted in Mensa's RPG APA, The Spell Book in 1987, from there (with one jump) to The Mensa Bulletin in 1988, and then it jumped to the internet. It has remained popular and been frequently plagiarized ever since. It has got to be one of the most famous, oldest and funniest AD&D stores out there. well worth reprinting. So, without any farther ado. Here is the Epic Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo

Ed: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?

Ed: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

Eric: How far away is it?

Ed: About 50 yards.

Eric: How big is it?

Ed: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed top.

Eric: (rolls dice) I use my sword to detect whether it's good.

Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!

Eric: (Unusually long pause, even for Eric) I call out to it.

Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!

Eric: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

Ed: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!

Eric: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?

Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

Eric: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?

Ed: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!

Eric: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!

Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a f@cking gazebo!

Eric: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.

Ed: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

Eric: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party explained what a gazebo is. This is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy knoll.
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